


A Beta's Assurance

by hufflebadgerinthetardis



Series: Marauder's Pack [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-30
Updated: 2012-10-30
Packaged: 2017-11-17 09:53:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/550295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hufflebadgerinthetardis/pseuds/hufflebadgerinthetardis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Remus awakens to learn that he nearly killed Snape his world shatters. Forced to deal with the betrayal of a friend as well as the thoughts of what could have happened, he is haunted and tries to pull away from his friends until a certain Marauder who refuses to be pushed away reminds him of the true meaning of friendship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Beta's Assurance

**Author's Note:**

> I am a big fan of the Marauders and love writing about them. I love the friendship between James and Remus that does not get explored enough in my opinion. This is the first in my Marauder's Pack series, which will be a collection of stories featuring the Marauders and Lily in their last years at Hogwarts. Hope you enjoy and happy reading!

"It's so strange. How can something that appears so pure and bright cause something so dangerous, so destructive?" Remus mused as he sat with one leg pulled up against his chest atop a large bolder overlooking the Great Lake. His eyes were fixed upon the half moon that was nestled in a bed of clouds peaking over the top of the Forbidden Forest.

The previous weeks had not been kind to him. His body was weary and his expression haggard. Together with bloodshot eyes his visage painted the picture of one who was forgoing sleep as indeed Remus had been. Sleep was impossible, not when his once content, even happy world has come crashing down around him. Remus screwed his eyes shut and tried to stem the flow of memories and thoughts that flew through his mind, a furious contrast to the dark stillness of the night he sat in. His efforts were in vain though as even with his eyes shut he still saw them, moments in time replayed behind his eyes like a slide show.

_Blinking his eyes to clear them, and seeing the sterile white of the hospital wing. James and Peter sitting by his bed, their faces uncharacteristically somber. James's voice saying, "Moony, something awful happened last night. Snape, he knows." Shock…disbelief…confusion. His own voice speaking up hoarsely, asking where Padfoot was and James moving to sit on the edge of the bed, gently explaining Sirius's prank. The sudden sharp and violent pain of betrayal and the absolute terror of realizing what could have happened._

Remus shook his head harshly to clear it and proceeded to shove the thoughts and memories to the back of his mind, a move he had practiced often since he had awoken from that transformation nearly two weeks prior.

"I almost killed one of my classmates, came seconds away from tearing a sentient being limb from limb." He thought, clenching his fists tightly.

Remus struggled again to clear his mind and fought back against the rising nausea that crept up his throat as he pictured the gruesome scene. It was the recurring image of that gruesome scene and the thoughts that accompanied it that had been haunting Remus since he awoke. The thoughts that had sent him spiraling down into a dark depression that allowed him little rest and no peace. It was also the driving force behind his most recent decision.

Ever since that first meeting in the hospital wing he had been avoiding the other Marauder's. Sirius was a given, Remus had taken to fleeing the room whenever the dark haired boy entered, but he also studiously avoided James and Peter as well. James had been trying to speak with him for weeks now, but Remus was always able to escape, to claim some excuse or simply remove himself from the situation. He wanted no part of the conversation that James clearly wanted to have. It was an obvious matter to Remus, the closeness that the Marauder's had grown so fond of had been perfectly fine before, but now his true nature had been revealed. The truth that he had been so happy to forget about and bury had finally come to light. He was dangerous, he had the potential to seriously injure, even kill someone and he couldn't, no, he wouldn't risk his friends like that.

"Moony!"

Hearing his nickname being called jarred Remus out of his thoughts. His head shot up and he twisted around on his rock to see James jogging down the path to the lake. Sighing, Remus jumped down off his rock and walked further away from the castle, putting more distance between himself and James.

"Moony, stop!"

Remus put his head in his hands and swore softly; he was too tired to handle this right now, too tired to deal with deflecting James. He turned quickly and saw that James was still coming towards him, jogging a bit faster now but still far up the path.

Part of Remus' mind screamed at him to stay, to just stop moving and let James catch up to him. To stop pulling away and listen really listen to his friend, one of his best friends. He couldn't though. Even though he could admit that part of him, a rather large part of him, longed to let James catch up to him he couldn't allow it. He knew what James’ intentions were, after six years he knew the other boy rather well. He wanted to talk and make sure Remus was okay, wanted to help his clearly suffering friend.

It was for that exact reason that Remus had to run. After everything that James had done for him, how could he risk his friend's safety by allowing him to continue to be close to a werewolf? James had included him, been there for him, and befriended him when so many others would have walked away. He couldn't risk James's safety, he couldn't, and so he ran.

Remus felt the wind on his face as he took to his heels, racing in the direction of the Forbidden Forest, yet having no conscious destination in mind. His only thought was to put distance between himself and James, to escape. He kept running even as he passed the first trees of the forest, hearing only the sound of his feet hitting the ground. As he continued to move another sound reached his sensitive ears, the sound of hooves hitting the ground behind him. He barely had time to consider what hearing hooves would mean when the sound suddenly vanished and he was knocked to the ground.

His equilibrium shattered, Remus was dazed and dizzy as he shut his eyes to stop the world's sudden spinning. After a moment he set about trying to right himself. He hadn't gotten far when he felt a solid weight settle on his legs and twin grips on his wrists that pinned his arms to the ground. He struggled furiously to free himself but weeks of little sleep, little food, and high stress had taken their toll, robbing from him even the natural advantage in strength he should have held as a werewolf. He did not have the strength to free himself and the energy he did have available was rapidly declining so he stilled his movements and lay still. Breathing heavily from the struggle he opened his eyes to find himself staring into the intense hazel eyes of James Potter.

While his body might be tired Remus' mind was ever sharp and took little time in telling him that there was no way James should have been able to catch him given the distance that had laid between them when Remus had started to run.

"How?"

The question slipped out and almost as soon as it did Remus remembered something.

"Hooves, I heard hooves before I was knocked over." He thought.

"Four legs are better than two Moony. Being an animagus is really quite convenient. "James said, panting a bit as he confirmed Remus' train of thought.

Remus sighed and waited for James to let him up. Several moments passed with only the sound of their labored breathing. As both boys began to recover Remus questioned uncomfortably, "James, could you get off me?

"That depends," James said in a calm voice, as if pinning ones friend to the ground of the Forbidden Forest was simply a normal part of his day,

"If I let you up are you going to go tearing off, I don't really feel like having to chase you down again."

The “but I will” was left unsaid. Remus certainly didn’t need to hear it. Knowing that if he tried to run his stubborn friend would simply chase after him again he began preparing himself for the conversation he had spent weeks trying to avoid. Remus shook his head, he wouldn’t run, and waited for James to get off, but he didn’t.

James shook his head.

"Not good enough Moony, You spend two weeks avoiding me like the plague and I need more assurance than a shake of the head. I need a word to hold you by. Whatever else is going on in your head, I know I can hold you to your word if you give it."

"I'm not going anywhere James, I swear it, now can you please get off of me." Remus told him.

Sparing Remus one further glance, James let go of his wrists and moved to sit on the ground beside him.

"I hope your happy now; I think my leg is bruised." Remus told him, annoyance coloring his voice, "You weigh a ton."

"I'm simply awash with remorse." James told him sarcastically, "Besides, if you had stopped when I called you none of this would have been necessary."

"None of this was necessary anyway; you stalked me down to the lake where I was enjoying some peaceful stargazing. If you wanted to talk so badly couldn't you have waited until morning?" Remus said, his mind quickly that sounded possible.

James snorted, "Peaceful stargazing huh. Moony the word peaceful has not been able to be used in conjunction with you for about two weeks now. As for having this conversation in the morning, if I had waited until the morning you would have found some way to brush me off. I have been trying to talk to you for the last two weeks and you keep ignoring me or finding ways to give me the slip."

Remus moved his eyes away from his friend's face to the ground where he set about carefully observing the grass they were sitting on. It was unnerving to be seen through so easily. He could feel James' eyes on him and after a few moments the silence became too much and he felt compelled to say something.

"The past few weeks have been busy is all, I haven't been ignoring you on purpose James. Things have just come up, and I'm busy studying for exams." While it didn't explain his taking off this night, Remus felt that the answer he gave was entirely plausible, if one ignored the fact that it was shameless lie

"You know Moony, for someone who lives with such a huge secret everyday of his life you are really horrid at lying." James said, blowing Remus' plausibility idea out of the water.

"I suppose I do have an advantage though," James continued, talking over Remus' indignant spluttering and reassurances of telling the truth. "We are best friends and have lived in the same dorm for almost six years. We have spent nearly every waking moment together since we started school so face facts Moony, I know you. I know when something is wrong and I know when you’re lying, especially when you’re doing it straight to my face."

His statement silenced Remus, who had no comeback or retort. How could he when every word James had spoken was truth. Remus' mind raced as he tried to think of something he could say to his friend but he was drawing a blank. This scrutiny was seriously unnerving his calm and Remus feared what would happen and more importantly, just what he would say if that calm was lost.

After more time had passed in silence James sighed and said, "Are you going to tell me what's wrong Moony or do we have to play a guessing game? I bet I could come pretty close."

Remus knew he was trapped. There was no way to escape or avoid the subject and James knew him too well to be able to lie his way out of this situation. He had been friendless growing up, isolated. Never before had he dealt with another person beside his parents knowing him so well. It made him felt ridiculously squeamish and completely exposed. He still couldn't bring himself to speak the truth though so even though he knew it was useless, he clung ridiculously to an outright lie.

"There's nothing wrong."

James sighed again and if Remus had looked up he would have found a deep pain reflected in James' eyes along with a steely determination.

"Snape almost died that night. With you in werewolf form and out of your right mind you would have killed him, slowly and violently. You would have used your claws and maybe even your teeth to tear Snape to pieces. The wolf would have howled in joy and victory while your mind would have no memory or recollection. You would have awoken the next morning covered in blood and surrounded by whatever parts of him were left. You would have…"

"Stop!" Remus cried, his call echoing in the stillness around them as James gave voice to his darkest nightmares.His face which had grown paler and paler as James had spoke was now a stark white, and his body curled in on itself as tears burned his eyes.

"I would have killed him without question, and not just Snape but anyone. Friend or foe I would kill anyone who saw me like that and I would enjoy doing it, revel in it. Then me, the real, human me would wake up the next morning and remember nothing. I would just wake up and see the results of the devastation I had caused and …" Remus choked out.

James reached out to put a hand on Remus' shoulder but Remus shook it off and stood up, backing away from him.

"No! Don't you get it James, you can't be near me! I'm too dangerous! That's why I have been ignoring you, why I have been putting distance between us. It's not safe for you to be friends with me James." Remus said in a determined but still shaky voice.

James was still for a moment and then rose and took a deliberate step towards Remus, reaching out and placing both hands on his friend's shoulders, ignoring Remus’ struggle to shake him off.

"Look at me Remus." James said sharply.

Remus was startled for a moment both by the tone James used and by the use of his given name rather than his nickname, and he stilled, raising his eyes to meet James’

"Remus, you are a werewolf. You have been a werewolf since you were six. I have known you were a werewolf since the beginning of second year. I do not care."

“James, it's …" Remus said, but James cut him off.

"No, no but. No it's not safe. No nothing. I do not care. Yes as a human it would be dangerous for me to be around you at the full moon, but we took care of that remember. I am an animagus now, all the Marauders are and you aren't a danger to us in animal form. You are only dangerous to humans and even then only once a month. We have all the bases covered Remus."

"James, I could have killed him," Remus said, trying to get his friend to understand that he was too dangerous.

"But you didn't." James replied.

"Only because of you, because you went and risked your life to save Snape" Remus said, looking away, unable to bear the intensity of his friend’s eyes.

"Not just Snape Remus," James said waiting until Remus looked up again and their eyes were locked before he continued, "I went to save Snape because it was the right thing to do but I also went to save you Remus. I knew that if Snape found you and something happened to him I would lose one of my best friends. Regardless of the actions the Ministry or Dumbledore would have taken, you would never have survived the guilt and you know it. "

Remus couldn't dispute the statement, it was true. Remus had long thought of what he would do if he ever harmed another and the scenario did not end well for him.

"Thank you James," Remus said, realizing suddenly that in all of the ignoring that he had done, he had never thanked James for his actions. He was too panicked the first time he was told to remember to say it.

"You risked your life to keep my secret and my sanity. You saved my life, I should have said it before but, thanks."

James nodded and said, "I've got your back Remus, just like I always have and just like I always will. You're a Marauder, and one of my best friends. I'm not dealing with any more of this pulling away crap. I won't take it and I won't let you push me away. We are friend's Remus, best friends and this is what friends do, they stick together and stick up for one another. They share their problems and deal with them knowing that no matter how bad it gets, someone else is always looking out for them. Do you understand me Moony?"

Remus was a bit taken aback by James's powerful and emotional words but almost more so by the look in his eyes. It was determination, pure unbridled determination. James was one of the most stubborn people Remus knew, and at that point he realized that he couldn't continue to push James away. The other boy wouldn't allow it and the more Remus tried the harder James would push back.

"I understand Prongs." Remus said at last.

"No more trying to be isolated and pushing your friends away?" James asked.

"Like you'd let me." Remus said.

James rolled his eyes and said, "Moony."

Remus smiled and said, "No more pushing my friends away, I promise."

James also smiled and then his face sobered to something more serious as he said, "Well since you gave me your promise I will give you mine. I know what happened with Snape shook you up and I know this isn't the end of it, but just so you can ease your mind for the future, know this. I will always look out for you on the full moon; I'll make sure no one who could be harmed gets near you. We are best friends, Marauders; almost like brothers and this is my promise to you Moony, my assurance."

Remus smiled and for the first time since he had awoken after his transformation the smile reached his eyes. "A beta's assurance huh, I guess I'll take it."

"What's a beta?" James asked, confused.

“Honestly Prongs, you hang around a werewolf for almost six years and you still don't have the wolf terminology down, how embarrassing." Remus teased.

"In a wolf pack the alpha is the head wolf, and his second in command is called a beta. They are usually brothers and it's the beta's job to help run the pack and take care of things if the alpha is unable to. I guess you could say the alpha looks after the pack and the beta looks after the alpha."

"How come you get to be the alpha?" James contested jokingly.

"Perks of being a werewolf." Remus responded promptly. T

hey both laughed and started to walk out of the forest, heading for the castle. They walked in silence but it wasn't the awkward silence from before but the comfortable silence of friends who simply enjoyed each other’s company without the need for speech.

As they approached the castle James spoke up suddenly, "Well I don't know how many stags have ever been part of a wolf pack before but since this one is, you have it Moony. I'll always be there for you, watching your back as a best friend should, like a beta should. You have it, a beta's assurance, now and always."

Remus smiled, and thought about how good it felt to smile. He felt different than he had before although nothing had really changed. The events still took place and he still had to deal with the fallout, but somehow he still felt different, stronger. Glancing quickly at James he knew he didn't have to handle everything alone anymore, his friend, his pack mate was behind him. He didn’t have to face everything alone. He turned his head up to look at the half moon that somehow didn't look as dangerous as it had before.

"I guess it's true what they say, the strength of the pack is the wolf, and the strength of the wolf is its pack."


End file.
